I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
