No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't deserve a penis
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
