Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
