Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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