So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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