If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
