so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
