Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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