break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
