I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
