You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
