but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
