My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
