I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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