Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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