I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I look better un-naked...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Randomize
