hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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