My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
