Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
