exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
