I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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