a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
