i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
