So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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