She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
