Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Someone shattered a urinal.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Randomize
