I hope mine doesn't look like that
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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