everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
