this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
