I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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