You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
