I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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