OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
