I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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