So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
