Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
3 2 1 whiskey
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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