Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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