you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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