Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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