i came on her dog
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
