I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
