At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
