I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize