i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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