Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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