In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
