i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
