This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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