I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
