We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
