watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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