I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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