My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
