i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
