Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
organizing the empties. That sober.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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